Video: Game Over

It’s hard to believe watching this clip that just two weeks after it was first aired both Geoff and Terry would be dead from self-inflected gunshot wounds to the head. Such is the nature of the world of the professional video game tester: a high pressure meat grinder that sluices the hopes and dreams [...]

Rejected Things: Rejected Olive Garden Slogan #1

Olive Garden: When you’re here you’re not supposed to be thinking about any of the large number of employees working way back in the bowels of the restaurant for less than minimum wage that’d just assume bury their scab-ridden meat swords in your Five Cheese Ziti al Forno and take a leak if we [...]

Video: Prusakolep for the Soul

This clip is an actual commercial for Prusakolep, a brand of feminine wash that was popular in Poland years ago. The metaphor that the director employs is bold, audacious and, like a tiger with a lion sewn to its back, undeniable: personal odor is a cockroach that menaces a humanity only too willing to [...]

Viral Idol Speaks #2

Carrots, how full of grace and decorum you are even when faced with the news that you’re being removed from the quintet of ingredients that comprise our “make your own salad” order and replaced with the cannellini bean: a bean I have known in the past and a bean I am looking forward to knowing [...]

Viral Idol Speaks #1

We don’t say it often enough but Viral Idol loves you, croutons. You made our salad so good today.  If we ever get out of prison we’re going to find where you live and come give you a real big kiss.

Daily-ish Doodle #9

Video: Sex Amongst the Undead?

I think the only rational explanation for what we’re seeing in this clip is that it’s a writhing mass of tiny, tiny ghosts or aliens or, worse still, the tiny, tiny ghosts of tiny, tiny aliens covered in what seems to be a mixture of vanilla pudding and super-thick pancake batter – something like that [...]

Video: Daddy’s Little Girl

Yes, in hindsight maybe taking her out of finishing school wasn’t the right decision after all but Lexi’s parents hadn’t wanted to foist antiquated notions of feminine virtue and the flowery formalities of tradition upon her at the expense of her gift for self-expression. Still, all these years later, they couldn’t help but [...]

Oh Really #1

Crack is whack. I found that out the hard way the weekend of my eighteenth birthday – all weekend long – repeatedly – often with a ball gag in my mouth. Crack will make you do things that you never thought you would do. It’ll make you say things that you never [...]

From My Novel #2: “T is for Tasty”

It seemed obvious, even to Ramon, that something had gone terribly wrong inside of St. Rudolph’s Heart of the Benevolent Hospital and All You Can Eat Rib Joint. He’d been told his aunt had died of “rib failure” and that doctors had been unable to save her despite removing her ribs. It seemed fishy [...]